Dear Wisteria

Dear Wisteria, 
Could you please stop growing? The gutters do not need your shade, and I do not need the extra work of climbing ladders to give you a haircut. You had a good trim a month ago and now you look like Cousin It.  In addition, could you also please leave the neighbouring plants alone, have you not  heard about personal space? I don't think the Camelia appreciates your arms around it's neck, and the Lilac looks grumpy with your elbows on it's head. I'm not sure if you've noticed but the supports that hold you are getting rather rotten - you are way too heavy for them in your current state. Please stop treating our verandah like a trampoline, it's likely to crumple. Do you know we live a bushfire prone area? Perhaps you could also stop leaving your dry leafy, twiggy mess and poisonous seeds everywhere. It is nice to keep your room tidy and we have a toddler in the house.
Thankyou for your assistance,
The Bowerbirds.
P.S. We do really love the dense full shade you give us in summer, and of course your lilac and white flowers are exquisite in every way.